Hiii, Universe it Me!
Have you ever not known you needed to hear something until “BAM!” the universe hits you when you least expect it and smacks you full force, right in the face? That was me Sunday. But to get that “aha” moment, I need to take you back to two weeks ago.
Let me start off by prefacing this conversation with some truth bombs. Brace yourselves babes because this one’s a doozy. Despite what I preach to you all here and on the Gram I struggle with the notion of perfection. I was raised in a household where if you aren’t perfect - i.e. the best at whatever it is you are doing - you aren’t good enough. You aren’t loved. So I often feel this need to be everything all at once and to be truthful put an insane amount of pressure on myself in the process. So much so that I’m forever teeter-tottering between the constant need, drive and obsession to be perfect and a complete state of F*** everything, when I’ve finally hit my breaking point.
All I ever want is to be the best partner for my boyfriend and have a beautiful clean home and be here for you babes every day and kill it at work and create great content for the brands I work with. And, and and... the list never ends. I want to be the best. I want to do it all. And quite frankly there isn’t anything wrong with that until it starts to interfere with your life to the point where you literally can’t even.
Ya, Hiiii this was me two weeks ago. If you follow me on a Insta, you may recall me mentioning in my stories about being in a funk. Well to be honest, this was more than just a funk. I had spiraled down to the point where all I wanted to do was walk away from my life and be done with it all. Done with the mundane tasks of my adult life, my boyfriend, my job, my family, social media, and even my dog. Yes, you read that correctly, even Espn wasn’t withstanding. And I know that’s unhealthy, but it’s the dirty dirty truth. I was done. I had hit a low. But you know what happens when you hit rock bottom?!? You find a way out. You put the pieces back together and climb to back the top.
For me that meant looking for motivation and inspiration somewhere new. I needed a refresh, to step out of my usual routine and find a way look at things differently. I thought to myself “Ashley, when was the last time you truly felt good? Like really good and totally at peace with your life.” The answer: when I was practicing yoga regularly in a studio. For me, nothing beats the feeling, vibration, connection and release you get from practicing in class with a room full of yogis. So even though I still have been practicing regularly, 3x a week through online apps and in the comfort of my own home, I haven’t actually stepped foot into a studio since late October. But when I went to go sign up for class at the last studio I practiced in, the schedule was completely different and just didn’t work for me. So I did a quick google search and that’s when I found the new yoga studio I was at on Sunday.
At beginning of class while we are laying in supta baddha konasana our yoga instructor shares this quote with us from Joseph Campbell.
“Where you stumble, there lies the treasure.”
In essence meaning: one must stumble and fall to succeed. Her purpose for this quote was to assure us that in yoga, as in life, perfection is not the ultimate goal. We do not need to be perfect in our transitions or our postures to reap all of the benefits of the practice because it in is those stumbles, mishaps and falls that we (and our bodies) learn something new. We find our treasures.
The irony of this moment is not lost on me now, BUT at the time I didn’t really hear what she was saying. I mean I heard it, I just didn’t HEAR it. Similar quotes or references are made all over workout classes and fitness apps - “if it doesn’t challenge you it does change you!” Am I right?!? So as I said, I took in what she was saying but didn’t think much of it more throughout the 75 minute class. That is until she dove a bit farther during our savasana, saying:
“The world is a match for us and we're a match for the world. And where it seems most challenging lies the greatest invitation to find deeper and greater powers in ourselves"
And there it was, everything I never knew I needed to hear all at once. It was like the universe saw me, heard and felt everything I had been dealing with. Like it knew that I needed reassurance. It was as if everything that I had been going through these past few weeks - the struggle, frustration and low - all lead me to there, that class and that moment.
I wanted to share this with all of you today specifically as a reminder to you that:
1.) Appearances are just that, appearances. I am just like you and the next girl and the next. 2.) No one person is perfect despite what you see on the outside. As human beings we are flawed and that is a beautiful thing.
3.) Life’s greatest lessons are most often learned at the worst times and from the worst mistakes. It’s okay to stumble and it’s okay to falter and it’s OKAY to be IMPERFECT. Transformation does not come out of
I needed this reminder more than anything. I needed the universe to smack me in the face and say “Ashley, you do not need to be perfect. You need to be you. You need to let go and live.” And that’s the beautiful thing about life and transformation, it’s never ending. My life and journey is forever under construction. Right now, I’m working on finding that balance between needing to do everything and just saying eff it! I work hard at it every day, it is just as much a work in progress, as I am. So for me, right now that means finding ease and comfortability with being “imperfect” and knowing that if I let go and be, amazing things will come my way.
Enlightened, Free and Happily Yours